MacBros' Place

Cars vs. Computers part 1

General Motors doesn’t have a “help line” for people who don’t know how to drive, because people don’t buy cars like they buy computers — but imagine if they did…

HELPLINE: “General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?”

CUSTOMER: “I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!”

HELPLINE: “Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?”

CUSTOMER: “What’s an ignition?”

HELPLINE: “It’s a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine.”

CUSTOMER: “Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?” 

Cars vs. Computers part 2 

HELPLINE: “General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?” 

CUSTOMER: “My car ran fine for a week, and now it won’t go anywhere!” 

HELPLINE: “Is the gas tank empty?” 

CUSTOMER: “Huh? How do I know!?” 

HELPLINE: “There’s a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and markings from ‘E’ to ‘F.’ Where is the needle pointing?” 

CUSTOMER: “It’s pointing to ‘E.’ What does that mean?” 

HELPLINE: “It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to install it for you.” 

CUSTOMER: “What!?” I paid $12,000. for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!” 

Cars vs. Computers part 3 

HELPLINE: “General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?” 

CUSTOMER: “Your cars stink!” 

HELPLINE: “What’s wrong?” 

CUSTOMER: “It crashed, that’s what went wrong!” 

HELPLINE: “What were you doing?” 

CUSTOMER: “I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed — and now it won’t start!” 

HELPLINE: “It’s your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?” 

CUSTOMER: “I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn’t crash anymore!” 

Cars vs. Computers part 4 

HELPLINE: “General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?” 

CUSTOMER: “Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks.” 

HELPLINE: “Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?” 

CUSTOMER: “How do I work it?” 

HELPLINE: “Do you know how to drive?” 

CUSTOMER: “Do I know how to what?” 

HELPLINE: “Do you know how to drive?” 

CUSTOMER: “I’m not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car!”

I swear these must be the same customers that call me all the time at work! I kid you not! These would fall along the same lines of questions that teh asshots ask when calling me, and then say stupid things like,  “What!?” I paid $12,000. for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!” 

Yes, they really do walk amongst us.